My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
