smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
