i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
this hospital has no fireball
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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