I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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