i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
