Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
