totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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