The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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