Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
