I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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