You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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