Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
