i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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