The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
