so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
