hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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