I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
