Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
