This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
