Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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