help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
