One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
