Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
