i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
sex in a hospital.. check
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
