Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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