I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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