But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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