this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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