Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
