i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
