sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
