the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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