If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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