Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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