yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
