Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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