peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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