Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
