Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
