Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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