Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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