That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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