White coat. Heels.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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