I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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