The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
