Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
