and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
