he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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