No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.