im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.