Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
