Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life