Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.