i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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