My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
