You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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