Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You can't special order awesome
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
