Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
