it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
