I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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