about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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