Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
