Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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