your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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