I'm drive I can fine osifer
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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