Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
