They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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