so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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