I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
