He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
