Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
