I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
